[Video] How can couples live happily after marriage?

---

Building a happy relationship with gentleness, appreciation and respect

matrimonialMarriage is a journey created by two people, it is not just a contract, it is an intimate cooperation that requires continuous management and irrigation. From the stage of romantic love into the reality of married life, many couples will find that what maintains the relationship is no longer the initial passion, but day after day of understanding, tolerance and positive interaction. In this article, we will explore the three core ways to get along with each other - "Gentle Nourishment", "An Appreciative EyeThe "Mobility" is the same as the "Mobility".Respectful maintenance"It also combines scientific research, time period analysis and data charts to explain the underlying causes and long-term effects, providing couples with a clear path to a happy marriage.

---

The Power of Tenderness - Emotional Stability is the Cornerstone of Family Happiness

The softer the wife, the more prosperous the husband; the more violent the wife, the worse the husband will be. This is not simply a folk saying, but has a deep neuroscientific and psychological basis.

Deep cause analysis:

When a wife is irritable, blaming, or angry, this poses a direct "social threat" to her husband. The human brain'samygdala(Amygdala) is instantly activated as a threat detection center, triggering the body's fight-or-flight stress response. This causes the adrenal glands to secrete large amounts ofStress hormones--Cortisol(Cortisol).

• Short-term surge in cortisolIt causes the heart to beat faster, blood pressure to rise, and muscles to tense up in preparation for a crisis.
• Chronically high cortisolThis would have a devastating effect:
  • physiologically: Causes insomnia, lowered immunity, easy fatigue, and memory loss.
  • psychologically: Causes depression, anxiety, and irritability.
  • cognitivelyThe following are some of the most important features of the frontal cortex: severe impairment of the functioning of the prefrontal cortex, the area responsible forDecision Making, Focus and CreativityThis means that a chronically stressed husband's career performance and interpersonal skills will decline substantially. This means that a chronically stressed husband's career performance and interpersonal skills will decline substantially, thus confirming the phenomenon of "the worse off".

On the other hand, the wife's tenderness, consideration and empathy act as a highly effective emotional buffer. This behavior promotes the secretion of a hormone called "intimacy hormone" or "cuddle hormone" in the brains of both partners.oxytocin(Oxytocin).

• Role of OxytocinJust the opposite of cortisol: it effectivelyNeutralization pressureThe wife's tenderness can help reduce anxiety and increase feelings of security, trust and emotional connection. When a husband returns home after a day of challenges and stress, his wife's gentleness encourages his oxytocin level to rise and cortisol level to fall, thus realizing emotional and physical relaxation and recovery. This state of the husband, physical and mental state better, naturally more energy and confidence to deal with the outside world, and thus "more prosperous.

Data presentation and time period analysis:

The following graph simulates the day-to-day trend of stress hormone (cortisol) in husbands in two different family emotional environments, which is a typical model based on psychophysiological studies.

Chart Analysis:

• Normal/Active environment (blue line): Shows a healthy curve of cortisol change, highest in the early morning, gradually declining during the day and dropping to a low point in the evening, which is favorable for rest and recovery.
• High Pressure/Conflict Environment (Red Line)The critical time "when you get home from work" when cortisol levels rise rather than fall due to anticipated or actual family conflict and remain high in the evening, leading to ineffective recovery and, in the long run, depletion.

Practice Recommendations:

1. wife: Manage your emotions consciously by taking a deep breath before speaking and switching from a blaming tone (e.g., "You're always...") to an "I-sentence" that expresses your own feelings (e.g., "I'm a little worried when I see...").
2. her husband: Understand the needs behind your wife's emotions, whether they are a desire for attention, a share in the household chores, or simply a need for a hug. Taking the initiative to share family responsibilities is an effective way to minimize your wife's resentment.
3. joint: Establish a "cooling-off period" agreement, so that when one party is about to lose control of his or her emotions, the discussion can be suspended and each party can calm down for 10-15 minutes before continuing.

---

Appreciation - Focusing on strengths is a catalyst for warming up a relationship

A wife's constant focus on her husband's shortcomings and verbal attacks will constantly activate the threat alarm in his brain, triggering resistance and defense.

Deep cause analysis:

The human brain is born with a "Negative preference"Negativity Bias - The intensity of our concern and reaction to negative messages (e.g., threats, criticism, danger) is much greater than our perception of positive messages. This is an evolutionary survival instinct that helped our ancestors avoid danger.

In a marriage, if a wife continually focuses on her husband's shortcomings, constantly nitpicking, complaining, and finding fault with him, it is tantamount to continuallyActivate your husband's Threat Alert System.The husband instinctively sees these criticisms as an attack and goes on the defensive. Husbands instinctively see these criticisms as an attack and go on the defensive. Common reactions include:

• counterattacks: Defend yourself by arguing.
• circumvent: Avoid being attacked by being silent, by going cold turkey, or by avoiding going home.
• surrender: Outwardly obedient but inwardly resentful.

Either way, there is no real solution to the problem. More importantly.Weaknesses are instead strengthenedBecause a person's change often comes from internal motivation and external support, not from external humiliation and pressure. This is because a person's change often comes from internal motivation and external support rather than external humiliation and pressure. Continuous criticism will seriously damage the self-esteem and self-confidence of the other person, so that they will fall into the negative self-fulfilling prophecy of "I just can't do it", and the relationship will fall into a vicious cycle of mutual consumption.

The key to breaking this cycle is the conscious use of the "Positive Concern"Positive Regard. That is, to proactively and sincerely find out, pay attention to and praise the other party's strengths and efforts.

Data presentation:

The following table illustrates a four-week follow-up study that observed the association between the ratio of frequency of positive interactions (e.g., thank you, praise) and negative interactions (e.g., criticism, blame) between couples and their marital satisfaction.

Group	Positive vs Negative Interaction Ratio	Average number of conflicts per day	Marital satisfaction after 4 weeks (1-10 marks)	Relationship Status Description
Group A (High Satisfaction)	5 : 1	0.3	8.7	Full of trust and support, good communication to solve problems.
Group B (Moderate Satisfaction)	3 : 1	0.8	6.5	Friction at times but generally stable with occasional positive interactions
Group C (Low Satisfaction)	1 : 2	2.5	3.2	A vicious cycle of blame and defensiveness.

Data Analysis:
John Gottman, a leading marriage researcher, suggests that "5:1 magic ratio"In a stable and happy marriage, the ratio of positive to negative interactions is at least 5:1, which means that one emotionally damaging argument or criticism requires at least five positive interactions (e.g., compliments, hugs, expressions of gratitude) to repair it. The data in the table above clearly shows that the higher the ratio of interactions, the higher the marital satisfaction and the less conflict.

Practice Recommendations:

1. Daily Praise: Make it a habit to find and honestly tell each other at least one thing you appreciate about that person every day (e.g., "Thanks for having fun with the kids today," "You did a great job fixing this thing").
2. Changing Perspective: Translating the concern for 'weaknesses' into an understanding of 'characteristics' or 'strengths'. For example, "indecisive" as "thoughtful".
3. Common RecordYou can keep a "Thanksgiving Diary" to record the moments when you are touched by the other person, and look back on them regularly to strengthen your memories.

---

Maintenance of respect - internal and external differences are the armor of the intimate relationship.

A wife who fights with a man in a non-separate manner will make the man lose face, and this behavior is a blatant humiliation of the husband's social image, which triggers a strong sense of shame and anger.

Deep cause analysis:

In social psychology, "face" refers to a person's social relationships in thePublic image, dignity and statusThe need to maintain an image of respect and competence in social interactions is a deep psychological need for many men. For many men, maintaining a respected and competent image (i.e., "face") in social interactions is a deep psychological need, which is directly related to Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory ofRespect for needs(Esteem needs) andVesting Requirements(Belongingness needs).

Arguing, blaming or exposing your husband in public (e.g., at friends' gatherings, family gatherings, or even in cyberspace) is tantamount to tearing off your husband's "armor of dignity" in social relationships. This kind of behavior will:

1. It triggers a strong sense of shame.: Shame is the extremely painful emotion of feeling bad, unworthy of being loved, and ashamed of yourself.
2. Incitement of angerAnger is the most direct response to this extreme discomfort, and it is a psychological defense mechanism.
3. Destroy trust.This will make the husband feel that his wife is not "his own person" and cannot protect him in the outside world, thus seriously destroying the sense of trust and security that is at the core of a marriage.

On the contrary."A wise wife" knows the difference between inside and outside.. In public:

• Protect your husband's image.: Even if there are different views, they will be communicated in private.
• Showing Respect and Support: Signal "we are all one" through words and body language (e.g., standing together, nodding and smiling).
• Moderate appreciation and even "worship": This is not hypocrisy, but a public affirmation of the value of companionship.

It's a very big deal.Satisfying the husband's need for social respect and sense of belongingThe husband will feel his wife's thoughtfulness and wisdom. The husband will feel his wife's thoughtfulness and wisdom, which will result in strongGratitude and the psychology of return(Reciprocity Norm), the heart will be more willing to love, tolerate and support the wife, thus the relationship enters into aPositive Reciprocity Cycle.

Time Period and Contextual Analysis:

The "face-saving" strategy of a couple's relationship needs to be dynamically adjusted in different contexts and life stages. The following figure shows the strength of the relationship between public respect and relationship quality in different stages of marriage.

Chart Analysis:

• wedding day: The social image of the couple is just blending, and open respect is extremely important and key to building a sense of community.
• childcare period: When career and family pressures are at their peak, and the husband's need for social recognition is strong, public respect and support (e.g., recognizing the husband's dedication to the family in front of his co-workers) can greatly relieve his stress and have a peak impact on the quality of the relationship.
• Midlife and empty nest: Couples are shifting more towards internal depth links, but overt respect remains an important way of upholding each other's social self-worth, with lasting and far-reaching effects.

Practice Recommendations:

1. Establishment of a "suspension" mechanism: Make a pact to use a preset code word (e.g., a look, a gesture) to remind the other party, if they are unhappy in a public place, to go home and talk about all the issues behind closed doors.
2. "We" Phrases: Use phrases such as "we feel" and "we plan" more often in external situations to strengthen the image of the community.
3. Aftercare: If you accidentally get into an argument in public, you must apologize sincerely afterwards, explaining the source of your emotions and reaffirming your respect for the other party.

---

Intelligent management, create a win-win situation

Marriage is a two-person dance, and sometimes the pace is off, and sometimes the rhythm is out of sync. But the secret to a happy marriage is not to find a perfect partner, but to manage the relationship in an intelligent and conscious way.

• Nourish your partner with tenderness: Understand the science behind emotions, become the neutralizer rather than the source of each other's stress, and work together to create a "safe harbor" where the mind and body can settle.
• Light up your relationship with appreciationThe following are some examples of how you can build a strong firewall for your relationship: Fight against your brain's "negative preference", focus on the other person's bright spots, and construct a solid firewall for your relationship with a 5:1 ratio of positive interactions.
• Respect wins love.The difference between the inside and the outside is to maintain each other's dignity and decency in society and to satisfy each other's deep psychological needs, thus triggering a positive cycle of reciprocity.

These three principles complement each other and work together. Tenderness is the emotional foundation, appreciation is the daily practice, and respect is the external wisdom. When couples realize and practice these principles together, they can elevate their marriage from a humdrum coexistence to a joyful journey of continuous growth, support, and deep love. This journey requires hard work and commitment from both partners, but the end point - a happy and fulfilling marriage relationship - is undoubtedly life's most precious treasure.

Further reading:

• [There is a film] Fuck the head of the bed and fuck the foot of the bed, quarrel with the woman and fuck her
• 169 Must-Listen English Songs for a Broken Heart
• Uncover the true face of love
• Must-listen to classic Chinese songs from the 80s and 90s when you're heartbroken