Why is it so exciting to cheat on your husband or wife?
Why is having an affair so exciting? Leaving aside...MoralityandlawLeaving aside other topics, purely from the perspectives of psychology, biology, neuroscience, and...The psychology of being a jerkFrom the perspective of "you know":Other people's food always tastes better than ours, and the food we sneak back always tastes especially delicious.
Table of contents
Taboo = Excitement
| Condition | Man's reaction | the truth |
|---|---|---|
| Wife taking off her clothes | "Oh." (Continues fiddling with her phone) | No taboos = No excitement |
| Human wife taking off her clothes | "Damn! My heart is beating at 200!" | Taboo = Men drinking Red Bull |
Humans have an innateanti-boneGene:The more you forbid me from touching you, the more I want to play with you.
The existence of a married woman/man is like a big "..." sticker on this relationship.Danger! Do not touch.The tag "resistance theory" in psychology states that when a person's free choice is restricted, that restriction becomes extremely attractive.
The man sawDo not touch"A single card will leave a mark. You tell him to pick it up however he wants, but he won't even bother to lift a finger."
| Condition | The man's inner thoughts | result |
|---|---|---|
| Seeing someone's wife | "He has a husband. If you hit him, he will be beaten. It's so exciting!" | It hardens immediately, and we still need to figure out how to pounce. |
| Seeing his wife | "He's mine, whatever. It's not addictive." | I kept looking at my phone, too lazy to get up. |
simile:When you're on a diet, even instant noodles that you don't usually like become a delicacy; the same applies to cheating on someone else's partner—that "forbidden veil" comes with a built-in beauty filter.
Stable relationship (same as the primary wife)
Stable interpersonal relationships secrete substances that bring a sense of security.oxytocinOxytocin evokes feelings of contentment, reduces anxiety, and increases feelings of calm and security around one's partner. It's essentially the "hug and embrace hormone."
Effect:It makes you feel safe, reduces anxiety, and makes you think, "But it's good to be with him."
My heart won't race, I won't get excited, but I'll feel very sleepy.
Science is calledContentment
Reality is called:stuffy
Your wife calls you:Come on, I'll take it."
You think to yourself:Another one? I'll finish this one tonight..."
adultery
Secretion system Dopamine + Adrenaline
Effect:
- Extreme excitement
- Desire to burst
- My heart is beating faster than when I run 100 meters.
- He felt, "I've finally lived once!"
- At the same time, there is a kind of "pleasure" of feeling like you could die at any moment.
The science calls it: reward mechanism
Reality is called: Foolish, yet incredibly satisfying.
Passing a message has to be done secretly. Meeting up requires exchanging secret codes like spies. This kind of situation is "always on the verge of disaster."UncertaintyIt can make the brain mistakenly believe that you are in a state of extreme infatuation (when it is actually just a result of fear). The most exciting moment of cheating is not when it happens, but when you think about "the other person's other half"."It's precisely because I might get caught that I'm so excited!"
When faced with an extremely high risk of being caught cheating, the brain will secrete a surge of hormones.Dopamineandadrenaline.
When you're in a high-risk environment where you could "get caught in bed with someone else at any moment," you might try to have sex.
Your brain doesn't say, "Hey, calm down, something bad is going to happen."
Your brain conversation:"Dick, it's so exciting! Come again! Faster! Harder!"
because:
- Dopamine Give you the impulse to "want more"
- adrenaline Gives you the stamina for "fight or flight".
- Two items added = You think you're Superman?
| chemical substances | In which occasion | What do you feel? | The real outcome |
|---|---|---|---|
| oxytocin | Tongzheng Palace | Safe, peaceful, want to sleep | Watching TV together, eating together, and chatting about children's homework. I'm so bored I'm screaming, but I won't die. |
| Dopamine + Adrenaline | adultery | Excitement, thrill, and fear of being caught | Hotel room, back staircase, toilet stall, car sex My heart rate was 200, and my legs were weak afterward. |
Cheating on someone else's wife vs. cheating on someone else's husband—who's the more despicable one?
| Stealing object | Stimulation level | The reason for low status |
|---|---|---|
| Stealing someone else's wife | ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ | You're not pouncing on him, you're pouncing on "his territory." Every time you penetrate him, you feel like you're insulting another man. |
| My husband cheated on me | ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ | You're not holding onto her, you're holding onto "her property." Every time you do, you feel like you've won against another woman. |
Do people really like to eat?
You think it's your lowly status? Science will tell you:They're all so despicable.
- Coolidge EffectLiving in the same room gets boring, but seeing a new roommate makes me instantly aroused. That person = the new roommate.
- Forbidden Fruit EffectThe more something is withheld from you, the more you want to handle it. That thing is like forbidden fruit to you.
- Zero-sum gameThe items that are snatched back are especially valuable. Each person = spoils of war.
This is a classic example of a distorted sense of ownership. Many people harbor a deep-seated childhood trauma related to "grabbing toys."
- "Since he/she has already been chosen by someone else, it means that the quality is guaranteed."
- This mentality avoids the hassle of "inspecting the goods" at the matchmaking market, allowing one to directly snatch someone else's finished product and gain a sense of vanity and accomplishment from it, such as "my charm is so great that it can break up a family".
Even if your bowl of rice is Wagyu beef, he'd still want to try the poop next door..
A perfect persona (because they don't have to live together).
Why do stolen women always seem so gentle, considerate, and have such great figures?
Because of youNo need to share mortgage payments, no need to argue about who washes the dishes, no need to face each other's drooling, farting, and messy appearance..
The two people meet for pure entertainment and passion, each presenting their most perfect selves. This isn't love; it's a high-cost "immersive role-playing game."
Classic quotes about infidelity
| The voice of a food thief | Truth Translation |
|---|---|
| "My love for him is true love." | "I am not tired of spitting it out." |
| "My wife doesn't understand me." | "My wife won't let me wash the dishes after washing the dishes." |
| "We are only soul mates." | "We usually exchange a couple of lines after we finish playing." |
| "I will not hurt my family." | "I'll be careful not to let anyone find out." |
| "This is the last time." | This is the last time I'll say "the last time". |
The cost of stimulation
| stage | Stimulation Index | Actual situation |
|---|---|---|
| During an affair | 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 | I felt like a spy in a movie, full of passion. |
| When discovered | 💥💥💥💥💥 | It turned into a full-blown brawl, a public trial online, and a courtroom confrontation, pushing the level of stimulation to the extreme. |
| After successfully becoming the official position | 0 | When the "stolen mistress/lover" becomes the "official wife" who washes your underwear every day, once that glamorous filter shatters, you'll discover:"X is just an ordinary person after all, and I even worry that he might be stealing from someone else again." |
Infidelity Risk Assessment Table
| risk | Opportunity | Next |
|---|---|---|
| Caught by someone else's husband | middle | Cut off / Publicly tried online / Disgraced / Hospitalized |
| Caught by someone's wife | high | Bottle burst/Online public trial/Newspaper report/Hospitalization |
| Infected | Medium and high | Seeing a doctor/Taking medicine/Sending it to my wife |
| Get pregnant | middle | Abortion / Birth / A lifetime of troubles |
| Truly in love with each other | Low | Divorce/Remarriage/Stealing again |
A guide from "Married Wife to Human Wife", applicable to both dating and dating
Creating the illusion of "not giving".
| practice | example | Effect |
|---|---|---|
| Rejected several times | He wanted to pounce, but you said, "I can't do it tonight, I'm so embarrassed." | He might think, "Why not? Is there a second one?" |
| Set rules | The statement reads: "It can only be done twice a month." | He will cherish those two opportunities and will plan ahead. |
| Playing role-playing | You pretend to be "the sister-in-law across the street" and say: "My husband is here, that's not good." | He would feel like he was cheating, and the noodle under his underwear would instantly become harder than an iron rod. |
Creating an "mystery"
| practice | example | Effect |
|---|---|---|
| Lock toilet door | Lock the door after showering and changing clothes. | He would ask: "What is he doing here?" |
| Don't be naked anymore. | Wearing a sheer silk nightgown | He was itching to know: "Is it not there inside?" |
| Don't say "I want" anymore. | Instead, they used a code: "I want a midnight snack tonight." | He would ask, "What is that?" |
Introducing the illusion of a "third person"
| practice | example | Effect |
|---|---|---|
| Playing the second voice | When you pounce on something, tell him to close his eyes, then change your voice and say, "Actually, I'm Ah Zhen from next door." | It will get incredibly hard, and it will speed up. |
| Leave behind "evidence" | Keep a pack of cigarettes that aren't yours by your bedside. | He might think, "Who came?" Then, suspecting you of cheating, he might want to pounce on you and turn your head away. |
| Making a phone call and pretending to be the second | She said softly, "It's not possible tonight, my husband is here." | She might assume you're really talking to another man on the phone and immediately want to "assert her dominance." |
Tip 4: Play "Dangerous Games"
| practice | example | Effect |
|---|---|---|
| Go to the hotel | Don't sleep in your bed at home | New environment = feeling of sneaking food = new level of hardness |
| In the car | He stopped by the roadside and said, "If anyone sees me, I'll be in big trouble." | He would feel like he was an AV male lead, his heart would beat at 180. |
| Touching in public | Feeling the big spleen under the restaurant counter | He'll get hard, but you can't pounce on him right away; he'll turn into a "hungry wolf" when you get home. |
Fifth move:Playing role-playing
If you find your wife boring and don't want to cheat, you can have your wife pretend to be someone else's wife:
- Tell him to wear a wig and put on different makeup.
- Call the guy next door to your colleague who usually wears a shirt.
- While she was catching the dog, she called out to him, "No! My husband is coming back soon!"
- As you pounced, you kept thinking, "I'm currently sleeping with someone else's wife!"
resultSame woman, same brothel, but you'll feel "the same."You're not cheating, you're just asking your wife to play "cheating cosplay" with you.
The thrill of stealing someone's life - summary
The thrill of cheating isn't because the other person is exceptional, but because...The act of "stealing" itself has special effects.Once the special effects are turned off, what's usually left is just a mess and alimony receipts.
If you want your husband to be hard all the time, you need to constantly make him feel like "you're not his wife." Lock the bathroom door, wear mysterious pajamas, play role-playing games, go to a hotel, or even pretend to be his second wife. The more dangerous you are, the harder he gets; the safer you are, the softer he becomes. This is the unchanging truth of the "rebellious gene."
If you tell him to eat Wagyu beef every day, he'll want to try the latrine noodles next door. If you tell him to cheat on you, he'll be thrilled. If you tell him to go back to his wife, he'll say, "I'm so tired." That's just how men are—by nature.The aroma of food wafts from across the fence.
Further reading:
